Reigniting writing

Welcome back to the study

Hello, friend.

It’s been a while since I’ve written.

Lots of things I’ve written don’t feel ripe for sharing, but I guess at least there’s this:

I’ve been thinking of place, and how to curate space, and who I’d like to invite into those spaces.

February has felt like peach sunset on snow, like vanilla meringues melting on the tongue, like stepping into the pool of grief that always comes up around this time of the year, letting it wash me in memory, letting it unfreeze a few more thoughts. Remembering that this is part of me, realizing I don’t have to run from it.

February has been…

…Singing Bach to Charlie Chaplin, watching our conductor’s gorgeous Great Dane barrel up and down the aisles of our concert space before falling asleep in the circle of the chamber orchestra

…Leading my blind soprano friend onto stage, learning about her years teaching English in Russia

…Tired mornings, talking to women about their lives, unpicking stigma one thread at a time, interview after interview

…Less soup than I’d like

…Finally watching the Mockingjay for that nostalgia blast

…Letting cycling lull me to sleep in front of the TV, watching the peloton flow around suburban roundabouts and through desert dunes, watching it cross cobblestones and climb Italian or Australian hills, watching bicycles in a high-speed pack act like atoms in a fluid, learning about the points to be claimed and the various goals of various race stages, wondering what it’s like to ride with the pack for hours, to betray your comrades when you break out to the final sprint, to travel the world getting to ride in the most beautiful various places…

…Watching Olympic joy in snapshots

…Hoping I’ll be less tired this time next month

…Calling my family when I can’t be there for the turning point in one of our lives

…Wondering why I’m not there with my family right now — thinking if I just planned ahead, maybe I could have been — thinking that, if I move quickly, I could actually get there in time…

…Watching The Pitt, loving the good work of skilled hands

…Being published in The Oakland Review! Being inspired to take up the practice of submitting to literary magazines again! The waves washing out, after washing in! Convincing myself that the world is ready to receive me! Planning in earnest!

…Deciding that I can share my writing, my poetry, my work. Actually wanting to. Actually taking a poetry class and receiving feedback on my poems! Deciding that I actually do want people I know to read what I write — and wondering why this shift comes now, when before, anonymity was my greatest goal…

…February has been visiting the museum sipping rosé on an empty stomach, swirling through the inheritance gallery, wishing the screaming children could just visit another day, writing in my special quiet corner, digesting the death of a friend from over a decade ago, letting myself be in pain and for that to be okay

…If January was hibernating, February is the hard burn through the last winter resources and the fitful dreams right before waking. It’s time for me to get up and find food again — hungry animal refreshed by sleep and blinking blearily in the sunlight. It’s not graceful, but it’s a wake up. Sunlight turning, returning.

…February is…. hoping to share more as I go. Hoping to dust off this Substack studio, this writing desk, to oil the gears of the printing press again, to let you into my life again. I even reorganized and beautified my writing space at home to show just how much I care, to show myself that I have the perfect place to do what I love to do. Thank you for being here, even after hiatus. The study welcomes you even in my absence. More to follow. Structure? Possibly!

February has been making Pinterest collages

And for that, for you being here, a poem:

Love in the Time of Blue Light

And our dream, our glitter
       is the fame of being known well
                   by one’s friends, to 
       share bread and cheese at twilight
on a summer evening, with the 
    promise of preserves come Autumn –

Our wish is shadows
       full of laughter, one
             perpetual surprise birthday party,
       loved ones just a step away
close enough to reach out and 
       grip a coat hem, a shirtsleeve, to say
                 I am so happy you are here 

That is all, friends, for now. I’ll be back again soon.

Tell me about your dream and glitter in the meantime - the comments are open.

Be well!

~ Love, T.R.E.